Yoga Keeps Me Sane From My Chemo Brain

AHHHHHHH How it feels good to be writing again.

This week has been fabulous. I've mentioned before Chemo Brain and it's effects and they are not fun. Memory loss, Aphasia which is as Wikipedia defines: a disturbance of the comprehension and expression of language caused by dysfunction in the brain. So starting a new adventure in learning has been scary but also in just a few short days one of the most rewarding experiences thus far.

I won an online yoga teacher training. I had reached out to a friend who is a yoga teacher and told her

"I'm in a rut, I'm losing my light and my spark is about to go out. I need something to get excited about because my health has robbed me of quite a bit lately. Just say I was interested in finishing my yoga teacher training, where should I start?"

She recommended some books and I began to read. She also tagged me in a post for an incredible yoga teacher (Sadie Nardini) about how she was giving away a free online yoga teacher training. All I had to do was describe in a sentence, why I deserved to win. I'm not going to lie, I was so excited about this opportunity, because it was something I wanted to do but in no way could afford. However, there were over 200 entries and this was just on facebook alone, so I was feeling slightly pessimistic about my chances. I gave her a go anyway, because I had nothing to lose and low and behold... I WON! I felt like I won the lottery and that my life was being turned upside down in the best possible way. My flame was reattacked with a blow torch, just like I needed.
Here was my entry:

The support from other yoginis was incredible! I just felt so.... grateful. I've always said

#PositiveEnergy attracts #PositiveExperiences

and it felt like it was finally paying off.

Saturday Night, I stayed in, and decided to get started. It was like a light clicked. I'm halfway through my first lecture and it's the perfect situation for chemo brain. I can pause my lectures to make sure my notes are comprehensive and I don't feel like I'm rushing or missing anything important. I can look up things I don't fully understand. I can take pee breaks, answer calls or texts, and LEARN! I don't know why I put myself through the exhaustive torture of University which only depleted my self esteem because I felt like there was something wrong with me. Trying to listen to the prof, take notes from what he was saying as well as what was in his presentations, rushing, and missing key important concepts. Eventually, I just went and listened because I loved what I was learning, but my brain has to write it down to remember. It's why I still use an old school day planner. I loved my classes, loved what I was learning, but I was stressed too and so it made it much more difficult to retain anything. Now, I've found my way to screw chemo brain and learn and I love it!

It's no secret I'm a closet nerd, no really, I have more books than a library on steroids. (Ok maybe not that many but a lot.) I started reading John Grisham in grade 3. I underline and highlight. If I don't know the meaning of the word, It's underlined and written with the definition at the top of the page, but I love it.

I've reignited a passion, and life is about being passionate. Life is about living in the now. I'm not worried about whats going to happen in the future, because I don't know. I can't control what happened in the past, I can only control how I react to it, and its gone and done with so I'm moving on. I'm living in the present. So Thank you Janine for getting me started again on this path. Thank you Sadie, for giving me this opportunity! Ready, Set, Go!

And yes... I will address my health, soon.

A little Throw Back to yoga at Crossing Vineyards over a year ago:

Back With A Plan Of Attack!

So it's been a while since I've posted a blog piece. I was entrenched in the throes of love. I was succumbing to all the changes in my life both positive and negative and I was trying to re find my way. If there's one thing I know however, your "way" usually finds you and in the last 24 hours, it has. It was always deep down... but now its breaking free.

My health has been nothing short of a complete annoyance the last 7 months. I'm cancer free but the radiation and chemo caused symptoms and problems that have made life frustrating. It feels wrong to get mad, because I BEAT THE DISEASE but at the same time, I just want to feel healthy, normal and boring. I don't want to have to end up in the ER continually from excruciating pain, and then be put on pain meds, over and over again. I don't want to not be able to apply for jobs that I would be fantastic for because I cannot foresee my future and know whether or not I will have the energy to adequately get the job done, basically I don't want to let anyone down. Yes I'm frustrated, but now I'm realizing... again because in life you sometimes need constant reminders... I have to take it day by day.
Basically my body has been trying to talk to me, and its time to listen. I can't be mad... I knew this was part and parcel of my treatment. I'm using my frustration to fuel my drive and I'm ready to come back out on top!

It's time to start talking again. SO all the fun details will come out!

I said before I need to be a little selfish and take some time for me, but in the process I forgot that I was actually taking the time for me and worried about everything and everyone else. Now its time to live in the present and stop worrying about the future.

My health continues to throw me curve balls, which I'm still dealing with. My smile is still permanently glued to my face because no matter how much things SUCK at the moment, there is still so much good. I'm going to focus on the good and remember that I'm not mad, I'm blessed and just have been taught life lessons in the most unconventional ways... but at least I'm learning :)

So I'll keep this short and sweet as my re entry back into the blogosphere.... but remember

Get ready....

The Sassy Blonde is ready to reignite some inspiration, along my own personal journey....