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Wednesday, October 16, 2013

High Dose Radiation With A Phantom of the Opera Music Station

So the first high dose radiation was unsuccessful. I was too sore from the surgery the day before. On lots of percs and dilaudid and I still couldn't handle it so they post poned it until Tuesday.

My mum was out of town for work in St. Louis. This is all good and well, but I couldn't drug up and drive to the doc by myself. My sis was going to take me but this is a little different than just sitting in the waiting room. Luckily my "big sister" (and I'll explain) was able to take me. Erin grew up with me, we knew she and her family whilst my dad was playing for the Caps. She was basically like my babysitter, but she was too close to our family to be JUST a babysitter. She came with us to LA and then to Jersey. SO to me, she's always been my big sister. So long story short, she was able to take me. She showed up with Starbucks- she knows me too well!

So we were off. I was blabbering like an idiot. I could feel myself literally not able to stop talking. I don't know if I was just nervous, hadn't seen her in a while and was catching up, or if the anti anxiety meds were turning me into a chatty Cathy. Could have been all of the above but the beauty of it, is Erin's a beaut... she let me go.

We got to the hospital and it was a blur. I remember being really nervous. I was obviously conditioned from last Friday to be nervous as hell because it hurt like hell last week. You know you're freaking out when everyone keeps asking if you're cold but its just because you have
"I'm F******* freaking out shakes!"

When we got there I deactivated the parking chip and gave it right back to Erin. I knew there was no way I was going to remember it. We headed into the exam room and I stripped down. The nurse went over things and I got a lot more anxious. I had taken my anti anxiety pills and pain meds before we left the house so they had definitely kicked in, but my tolerance has grown significantly and I wanted to be out cold. (Well not out cold, but not feeling they way I was feeling. Nervous, Scared, Pain.)

I popped one more on the table and then Dr. D2 came in and got to work. I laid there and it felt like they were inserting 100 dildos laced with thorns. There was a lot of pressure. I said to Dr. D2, because I really don't hold back
"I imagine this is what it would feel like to have sex with a guy who has a massive dick that you're clearly not prepared for."
hahaha laughs all around but I was dead serious, that $#!% hurt. He had to clip something to the something and the something. But I just felt lady bits getting all caught up in there. I was like "WHOA!" That I imagine is what it feels like to have your junk zipped into your zipper. In all honesty I joke, but there were tears. It's not a natural feeling, its a violated feeling. Its one thing to feel pain, its a completely different thing to feel such pain in such a vulnerable place. It scars you... mentally.


Once we FINALLY got everything set up, they wheeled in a stretcher. Clearly not an easy feat, these rooms are small. They had to be careful moving me because they didn't want to undo all the hard BDSM they had just set up inside my girly bits. I was then moved into the catscan room. They did a catscan to make sure it was in place properly. I don't know how it couldn't be because it felt like it took forever to insert and wasn't pleasant.

After the Catscan we went to the mountain room. You'll see why I call it that later. Personally I would have preferred a jungle-esq waterfall scene to the mountainside lake Sound Of Music scene but at least they decorated.

Erin and I sat for a while, I played on my Ipad and showed her... well I'm sure it had something to do with shopping and pinterest. One of my fail safes. After a while I met the physicist. I was really hoping for Sheldon Cooper but then again this guy was working on my Pootang so maybe I was glad it wasn't. I mean it would be preferable for him to have some experience down below, something I'm sure Sheldon Cooper (Big Bang Theory) in all his intelligence is lacking.

They wheeled the stretcher into the Mountain room and asked if I wanted music. I said sure, and was like ready to go. The huge radiation proof doors shut and I felt like I was on a space shuttle in a tiny compartment on my way to the moon. However good pain meds can induce that feeling even in the largest of spaces. The stretcher did barely fit.


The music: Phantom of the Opera. ::Palm to Head:: as Erin and my mum both cleverly pointed out when I told them... "Should have been Sound of Music" considering the mountain scene. I had actually been talking about Phantom of the Opera after my NYC trip with my mum and sister. I wanted to see it, they both couldn't believe that I hadn't. Also a girl my sister went to Middle and High School with, and was in plays with was just cast in the off Broadway production. I'm not surprised, from what I remember, girl has a set of pipes like no other and the last time I heard her was when she was in seventh grade. As the doors reopened I asked
"and who picked the music?"
It was of course my Eagles loving doc- who just so happened to be an opera-broadway aficionado too. I checked and saw that they used CD's, It should come as no surprise that I'm bringing Britney with me on Friday. Old School Britney, Baby One More Time and Oops I did it Again all up in the radiation hiizzous. Or lil Wayne. I don't know why, it just seems fitting.

When everything was said and done, they just pulled all their kinky gadgets out. Like it was no big deal. I got dressed and we were outta there. The meds were really hitting me so I barely made it home with out dozing a few times. I was exhausted. I got home, stripped, crawled in bed and was out cold. We got home at around 1:30pm. I was out cold until 5:30 am the next day.


My mum woke me up for dinner, but I barely remember that. She had brought me my fav, Pasta Bolognese. I had had Stauffers Mac and Cheese the day before and it ended up all over my bathroom floor. Conveniently I decided to puke it up after my sister left and decided to go and visit a friend. She definitely gets the nurse of the year award.

So High Dose Radiation SUCKS. It messes with your head. It makes me hate my lady bits, and with so much pain taking place down there, how am I ever going to want to have sex again. I mean, I'm being programed to associate them with pain, so unless I adopt a new BDSM fetish, this is going to suck. But the treatment is working... that is the plus side to all of this. So bring Friday on with a vengeance, I'm excited to get drugged up and its go time. I just have to remember...


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