Pink In The Rink - The Event

Months of planning. Weeks of preparation, anticipation, interviews, and promoting. All cultivating in a fabulous night for an incredible cause. Its come, its gone, and I wouldn't change a single thing.

When I first got the call to be a part of this event, it wasn't even a question that it was a huge honor and that I was going to do everything in my power to be available and to help make it a success. I knew it would be time consuming but it wasn't about me as an individual it was about what I could do to help people on a MUCH larger scale. Realistically this wasn't about my dad and I, this wasn't about the Pete's, this was about doing everything in my power to use my past experiences to help raise money so that no one would have to go through what I have been through. Its not fun, and its nothing that anyone should have to deal with. Not the patient, not their friends and family, no one. So for me, if someone said jump, I said "How freaking high?"

I also knew doing this event was going to be a risk for me personally. I was risking hurting my mom's feelings because I knew she would feel left out and unappreciated. However, for me, it was still something I wanted to do because this isn't about us, this is about Women's Health and all of the people I could help by getting involved. The theme was Daddy's Girls, and so while promoting it, it focused on my relationship with my dad. If the theme was Mommy's girls, then that would have been a different story and because we were working with the Pete's, my dad's hockey alma mater, that too would alienate my mother. I was right and she was very offended, felt unappreciated and reinforced why having divorced parents who do not get along is not fun for anybody. There are two sides to every story and the truth but this wasn't about her. This was also something I decided to do for me, and anyone who I could help, because this last diagnosis is realistically the first time I have openly talked about what I have gone through. My mom was a HUGE part of my recovery and with out her, I would most likely not be here. My sister and she were there for the worst of times and with out them I would not be the woman I am today. So in honor of Women's health, I thank them for being there for me to shape me into the woman I am today.

The MAIN Event:
It was fabulous. I got to do a couple interviews before the game. One radio, and one TV. I was so nervous. I then found out we would be doing the puck drop too. I whispered to my dad before we went out "Do NOT let me fall" lol. I could totally picture myself pulling a JLAW circa Oscars 2013.

There was an opening ceremonies which included a video BrandHealth did, which was incredible. The gist was Heaven, with angels awaiting my arrival.... 2003, "Nope She's not coming" 2006 ... "Nope, Still Not coming." 2008 "Ok She's still not coming whats going on?" 2013- "Ok Clearly she doesnt want to come" .... Its the perfect metaphor because I wont give up my fight against cancer. I wont give up the fight for other people battling cancer and being their voice.

Everything went swimmingly, no falls. I then got to rush around the rink during the game, because so many friends and family and co workers came to support me and I couldn't have been happier. This night was not only a fundraiser to support women's health, but personally a celebration that I was ok. I may have even had a date this night, but this is for a later post, because I know you're all DYING to know why I haven't posted lately.

The event raised around $40,000 and I am ecstatic. After the game, we got to go down to the ice with the team to take pics on the ice. In true Courtney fashion... I ran... in 4" heeled boots with my honorary Pink in the Rink Jersey on. I was a little too eager. As I darted across the ice, I just about made it until at the last minute I felt my heel slip out from under me and I knew the inevitable was coming. Yoga balance or whatever, I just about caught myself, along with the goalie's lap. I figured this would be a good spot for my place in the pic and had a soaking wet bum the rest of the night.

After the arena we went to Spanky's where we had quite the after party. It didn't take long for Britney to come on and me to end up on the bar. Here are the pics from the night. Thank you to everyone who was a huge support. TO the people who supported me through the nerve wracking press interviews (which turned out to lead to something fabulous... but again more on that later) and to everyone who came out and donated. I'm truly touched by your generosity and am so proud and humbled by everyone who helped aid in the fight to support women's health!
(My assistant for the evening who kept me on track! Thank You C)

(Some Friends, Epic Boss, and more friends)

(Some Adorable Mini Fans!)

(Dad and I with Danielle from Energy 99.7 and Country 105.1- and then Britney's "Toxic" on the Bar)

Little did I realize how much this event would change my life. I say everything happens for a reason, and it does. I would not have been able to be a part of this with out my diagnosis of cervical cancer. I would not have gotten to do all of the press interviews and I would not have gotten to meet someone who has turned my world upside down, in the best way possible.
Everything does happen for a reason and although I repeat it constantly....

Accepting Applications (PG-13 or R Posting)

I talked about Chatting with my BFF in Canada on Sunday... well that was the perfect segue for tonight's events.

My Best friend K is back in Canada and I hadn't chatted with her since she came to Peterborough to help me pack up the day after I found out I was sick again, last week. So we had a little catching up to do, I mean a lot can happen in a week. We talked about my crush, which is honestly a whole other story. Of course we talked about my favorite topic, Sex.

"I swear K, its the weirdest thing, the last thing I should be thinking about or wanting for that matter is sex, but its ALL I can think about. It's clearly a case of wanting something just because I can't have it, or wanting someone."

It's true though, has it just not hit me yet because it really doesn't make sense, especially since I have bigger things I should be worrying about. Maybe I should just reread 50 shades... Hmmm that might make it worse. Will they just cast that damn movie already?

So while sitting on the couch with my mum tonight, I was catching up on True Blood (which doesn't help this "appetite" I have at the moment) and Dexter (Spoiler alert: OMG *MAGGIE* SO GOOD), she was researching my radiation treatments. Something interesting came up, (I'll include the pic for those that don't believe me).
Be prepared: This is Courtney at my sassiest and most unfiltered yet....

"Radiation can cause the normal tissue of the vagina to become irritated and sore. As it heals, scar tissue can form in the vagina. The scar tissue can make the vagina shorter or more narrow (this is called vaginal stenosis). When this happens, sex (vaginal intercourse) can become painful. Stretching the walls of the vagina a few times a week can help prevent this problem.

One way to do this is to have vaginal intercourse at least 3-4 times a week. Since this may be hard to do while getting cancer treatment, another option is to use a vaginal dilator. A dilator is a plastic or rubber tube used to stretch out the vagina. It feels like putting in a large tampon for a few minutes. Even if a woman is not interested in staying sexually active, keeping her vagina normal in size allows comfortable gynecological exams. This is an important part of follow-up after treatment. Vaginal estrogens may also be used to relieve dryness and prevent painful intercourse and help maintain the size of the vagina. Still, vaginal dryness and pain with intercourse can be long-term side effects from radiation."

-Cancer.Org

Ok so initial thoughts on the wording....
*So glad they clarify what sex is.
*A vaginal dilator and in non medical terms a vibrator. This just might be the best cancer treatment I've had yet. But really, a vaginal dilator.
*While reading the part about the large tampon, does anyone else have that scene from mean girls flashing in their heads?
*Ummm me not wanting to stay sexually active, I think a better use of my energy would maybe be me thinking about something other than being sexually active.
*Does anyone else realize that this is like a man's dream come true... Prescribed sex and a smaller, tighter pooter.
*It says this is also necessary to make ob/gyn exams more comfortable, um no, they are not comfortable, there is a man (or lady) in your lady bits and they didn't even buy you dinner first. Oh and they're kinky because they insert metal objects, I'm all for kinky but not on the first go.
*Vaginal estrogens to prevent dryness... this is why Cosmo's number one sex tip has always been lube! Oh and quite obviously skilled and extended foreplay.

*Oh and most importantly= Its information and advice like this, that sucks for someone who is actually very happy being single. I'm extremely content being single because I'm so career driven, but this kinda makes me think other wise. DAMN you unfeminist thoughts... "SWIM AWAY".

So lets take this back a notch, how do I feel about all of this? When I first heard what type of cancer I was diagnosed with, I was gutted. The irony of a girl who dreamed of becoming a sex therapist (damn you masters and PhD tuition fees), having her lady bits out of commission. (However lets be honest, the cancer hasn't exactly been holding me back the last year, standards has been to blame ::not ashamed, just horny::). But seriously, I'm only 25, Samantha Jones was well into her 50's and I am being taken out of the game at half her age, this just seems like the most unfair thing possible.

I'm going to get romantic and sappy on you for a second, there really is nothing more exciting than finding someone you're truly connected too and passionate about and unifying that bond as one. Yes, it takes time as evidenced by my dry spell, but the wait is so worth it. SO upon hearing my diagnosis, I was floored. How am I going to connect with someone on that level again if its being taken away from me. Will they understand, will they be willing to work with me, because I'm not going to lie, I'm scared as hell to have sex again. What will it feel like for me? What will it feel like for him? What if it sucks for him (not my skills obviously ::Wink Wink::) but just the feel... what if I utterly fall for someone (which is rare which makes it even scarier) and they leave because our sex life isn't normal. I get it, "If he's the right one, it wont be an issue" but it could be. I'm not naive, as humans we have needs. Sex has single handedly shaped history as we know it. Think Helen of Troy, Marilyn Monroe, Dr. Sue, Dr. Alfred Kinsey. Do you think Cosmo would be one of the top selling women's magazines if it weren't for the fact that it sexually empowers women to eliminate the taboo of it all. I mean, we can read about fashion in vogue, and celeb gossip on perez, but we don't turn to any other magazine for sex advice. Think about it.

So, rounding this out, I'm a girl with intimacy issues. I've been hurt, so opening up is hard for me. Falling for someone is even harder, and now I have to worry that I may fall for someone and it may not work out because of SEX! Which used to be one of my favorite things about being in a relationship, and probably what made me such a great girlfriend (Sorry not going to elaborate on that one).

I like to think I've had three great serious relationships. They didn't work out for their own reasons but I learned something from each one of them and am so grateful to them for these lessons. If I could compile the one trait from each of them, that made them so great, I would be in the best relationship possible. The bar has been set. (I'm getting to my point and how it relates:)

Relationship #1. He was my best friend. We loved spending time together, and we had so much fun doing it. If I had any kind of news, he was the first person I wanted to tell. If something good happened to him, I was never jealous, I was so happy for him. We never competed, we actually missed each other when we we're apart.We shared friends and had respect and it was legit everything that your best friend is to you. He supported me in whatever crazy idea I had and I him. He has no idea how much I cherished those years together, and I always said "He is the greatest person I know, just maybe not the greatest boyfriend at times." I know if I had have stayed with him, we would have had a life so full of fun because being with him was great, but that was it, we were best friends and needed to leave it at that.

Relationship #2. Sex. We had the most incredible sex life. I didn't know what sex was until I met him. I felt comfortable, it could be my fattest day and he made me feel so beautiful. It could go terribly wrong, sounds, bumping heads, whatever but we would laugh, and keep going. We once spent an entire night going through a pocket kama sutra trying out each and every position. Marking the ones we liked, and didnt. We had that trust with each other that we could be open to make sure the other was being satisfied. We couldn't exactly stand each other out side the bedroom but it opened my eyes to what sexual chemistry was supposed to be like.

Relationship #3. Security. He was a real man, a grown up man. He made me feel safe. He helped me when my car broke. He paid for my dinners and treated me like a lady. He took me on real dates, with lots of thought. If someone spoke badly or negatively he would get heated and defend me (sometimes to an extreme). He had a real job, and was ambitious as hell which made me want to better myself. We were just two very different people, going down very different roads and also at very different stages in our lives.

My point here... those three qualities are what I want in my future relationships and ideally someday my husband. All three of those qualities feed off of each other. What is going to happen to my sex life and how will that affect the rest of my life. I'm already at a disadvantage not being able to have kids, so this just can't hinder my future relationships anymore than it already has. Otherwise Sexy Dexy is going to be getting a lot more brothers and sisters, and I'm too much of a dog person to become a full blown cat lady.
(However Dex is really cute so I thought I'd include some pics :) hehe)

Whatever the outcome, I have faith it will work out. My mom and I are off to a sex toy shop (thank god she's super awesome like that), because I didn't bring my supply with me. (I wonder if that will be reimbursed by insurance hahah). The title "Accepting Applications" more of a joke, but isn't that the theme of life. Are we not always accepting applications until we meet our someone? This just means that the man I end up with, will be the best kind of man, because he WILL be willing to deal with all of this, and not because he HAS too, but because he WANTS too. My bar has just been set higher. Clearly I'm a closet romantic, but hey by combining that with the dream of becoming a sex therapist into the perfect career- hello event and wedding planning!

So until that time comes and I'm stuck with cats, I'll stick with rabbits for now.... you know, to follow doctors orders ;)

Much Needed Break for Maroon 5

So, I have been wanting to see Maroon 5 live for only God know hows long. I loved them way before "Songs About Jane" came out and am one of those die hards. There was an incentive at my job. St. Louis Wings and Ribs, for the girl who could sell the most Taco and Coors Light deals. Well, when I heard that the prize was the Molson Canadian box with a friend and lots of booze and tickets to the concert, I was on my taco selling game. Not only did I win the first week, I blew the sales out of the water the fourth week according to my boss. I unfortunately won the ballots from my store into the prize draw but did not win the tickets. I was devastated. So, when J, got me the tickets, I think I cried. Oh wait I did. A lot. Of HAPPY tears! I legit pulled a girl and jumped up and down and instantly made a playlist of what I thought their set list would consist of. I. Was. Stoked.

When your life is turned upside down, its hard to think positively. Its hard to get excited about anything other then, "Oh ya I only have to get one needle instead of 5 today!" So this meant the world to me. Little did I know it got better. I had SIXTH ROW CENTER SEATS! Screw the Molson Canadian box. It was also even better because I got to bring my mum, dad and sister. Most people would find their divorced parental unit and their sister accompanying them to a concert weird and unconventional, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. I mean yes, I did have this mental image of us wearing khaki's and pastel collared shirts with fanny packs, comb overs and camera's around our necks, but we were awesome, we were going to have fun, and I didn't care.

My sister is a hippie. She worships some guy named Jerry and has grateful dead everything. She listens to a band called the string cheese incident and is first in line with her tent and hula hoop at music festivals where I think they use portapottys. She just took her dreads out and has more tattoo's than I think space left on her body. But gosh damnit I love her. So needless to say, she wasn't exactly thrilled to be seeing Maroon 5 and Kelly Clarkson. Her first comment when we got out of the car was

"Where is the bar."

But she came with bells on and was a blast!

We got home from my doc appointments that day and went to get ready! I put my maroon 5 playlist on and belted it out. I had originally teased my hair "When in Jersey...." but remembered I was with my dad and didn't want to have to subject him anymore than I had to, to the local culture. I think I found a happy medium. I was going to dress up and wear high wedges and cute jeans - I mean I was about to see my future husband for the first time in person, but remembered I could barely walk with out falling in flip flops, so wedges would be dangerous. I settled for my new billabong "I <3 California" Tank and jeans with hot pink flips and lots of bling.

We left and were on our way. We didn't have time to get food or anything because I refused to be late for Adam. We picked up my dad and were off. We got on to the highway and there was a line... A LINE ON THE HIGHWAY just for the exit. My sister said

"Well isn't this just great, we are in a line behind a bunch of broads going to see the same dude. Emotional women drivers, we're doomed!"

I sat quietly and got a little anxious. We just couldn't be late. So we started talking about food, my other favorite subject. My mum being the smart cookie she is said,

"Well the only healthy thing that will be there are soft pretzels."

Haha I didn't know whether to laugh or just stare with utter amazement that this woman works for the FDA.

We had been sitting in the line for the exit for about twenty minutes. We couldn't even see the exit we were so far back. Something needed to be done. Now, for the record, I had stated that we pull this next move for a LONG time! Since we first got in the line, but no body listens to the blonde. So my mum pulls out of the line, jets to the front, and continues to the exit. We get to the exit and instead of cutting in like an @$$hole, she just continues. It was as if there were angels guiding us because a second lane appeared. How none of the other cars had figured this out is beyond me, but I wasn't complaining. We just took 30 minutes off our wait. We then parked and walked to the venue. I was legit jumping up and down the whole way. I had taken some percs before we left because my back had not been doing well up until this point. In fact it was terrible. I was refusing to let it ruin my night. As we were being searched in line, I stealthily took the perc out of my coin section of my wallet and slipped it in my bra. I felt like I was smuggling ecstasy or something but I was trembling. I had never been a rule breaker and was not about to start now, but it was one perc. Which I would inevitably need. My nerves should have been the give away, clearly not a smart casting decision for any life scene somewhat resembling a scene from blow, they looked in my clutch and sent me through. SO anti climatic, I was almost mad, but whatever I got to keep my one lonely drug.

We got inside and Dad and nat went in search of alcohol. I went in search of Chickie and Pete's crabfries, a maroon 5 shirt and a bathroom. No way in hell was I leaving mid show for something as unimportant as relieving a bladder. After our successful mission, water bottle in hand we went to the seats. Once again, I jumped up and down with happy tears. We were so close to the stage I could sneeze and water droplets would fall on the stage.

It was unbelievable. They had servers too, who most likely hated their jobs. I had never been in the tweeter center before but it was HUGE. This was where all my friends went to see DMB and sat on the lawn, Yea, not for me. I sat down, crab fries in hand. That had been a mission all on its own. Crab fries are basically fries with a spice of sorts on them and melted american cheese. OMG they're amazing. My sister and dad caught up with us, and we were ready. There is nothing like that feeling went the lights descend and your heart stops, as your favorite artist is seconds away from rocking your world. I was ready.

Kelly Clarkson came on and was INCREDIBLE. She is one tiny person. She sang barefoot the whole time. Had one costume change and I knew every song and belted them WAY OUT. There were these two older ladies in front of us. Typical Jersey moms, about 45 and 5'1 feet tall. They kept standing on the seats in front of us. I was ready to take them out, but so was every person in our vicinity. They were wasted. After Kelly, my mum went and talked to the usher who laid down the law, but like c'mon people don't be so rude. Oh wait, I'm in Jersey and forgot that was a HUGE request. Anyway, it wasn't going to ruin my night and it didn't. My sister sat in her chair, with her electric cigarette, laughing at me and my mom rocking out. It was glorious.

Natalie being hilarious like she is

"Its like she's singing directly into my soul."

When Kelly was done, I was pooped, but just getting started. I popped a perc, my mom went to pee, and my dad and sis, and their two new friends behind them (A couple in their 40's who were pretty stoked to see Adam) flagged down the server and over ordered some booze. I was having a great time, I really am one of those people who can have a great time sober, its one of my prized personal qualities.

The time was near, Adam was about to grace me with his presence. They switched up the stage and it was go time. The old women in front of me turned around to try and chat, and my mum piped in reminding them not to get up on their seats. NOT while Adam was on.

Then... Adam came on. It was perfect. He had on a white tee and tight jeans. His hair was long but styled. His left ear piece hung just over his shoulder because he was so good he didn't need it. His voice was crisp. His sweat, delectable. He thrusted against his mic stand and I almost fainted, but didn't because I couldn't bare to miss a second.

I sang along, I danced, I jumped up and down, a lot. It was the perfect night. PERF!

When it was over, I was elated. I couldn't have asked for a better night. I only had 45 minutes left until I could no longer eat. So we went to pick up my dad's car. My sister drove it to Applebee's, and the four of us had some yummies. I felt bad, having worked in the service industry for as long as I had, walking in a half hour to close but we had a time limit and I was hungry. We got apps and talked about the show and munched and it was weird. We felt like a family, but in a good way. Not the "Oh I want mom and dad to get back together way, HELL NO" but the "this is really nice and mature way".

We went home and I started the blog from the doctors appointments. I then had a skype date... with who, you'll never know but lets just say it was exactly what I needed. Maybe he'll get a mention or two in future posts but until then, I'm leaving it be. Its not good for me to get too excited because things don't have the best tendency of working out in my favor, so until then, I'm going to just enjoy. :)

Here are some of the links to the videos from the concert!

Moves Like Jagger with My mom and dad rocking out!


Kelly Clarkson, I'm not even sure what song this is but my sis caught it. BRAT!

Maroon 5 Does Daft Punk's Get Lucky

Stronger by Kelly Clarkson: Quite honestly my theme song right now.

This Love by Maroon 5