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Thursday, January 16, 2014

Onwards and Upwards- Fly in the Sky

Kids' on leashes... check! 30 Mile detours as the result of going old school with printed directions instead of google maps.... check! Double checking with the security guard that it's ok to have a belly button ring in the scanner machine, only to have the rest of the security guards laugh and exclaim
"It's going to be a belly button ring kind of day boys"
.... check! In my defense that machine is scary as hell looking and I've been in enough MRI machines to know that metal and magnets don't go well together. I think it was a perfectly fair question. YUP- this is me trying to navigate an airport by myself.
Packing and leaving my baby and lil sis.
(Forcing dad to stop for a starbs pee break and admiring the fact that I actually threw on matching clothes at 6am.)

SO my phone died on the way to the airport. YAY for having it fully charged because we needed those google maps. So now I'm camped out on the floor... because it was the only outlet I could find to charge my phone, which ironically I can't even use, but who knows when you'll need some solitaire or yahtzee to pass the time.

 Oh and lets be real, we all know I'm trying to get a pic of the kid on the leash. I mean who does that? (Actually I'm sure lots of people do that, because losing a kid would be scary and chasing them would be annoying and yes I'm about to compare children to pets, but we put them on leashes right?) Thank goodness for noise cancelling headphones (J, you're a lifesaver) because this kid and I are not going to get along on this flight. Why can't parentals give their kid a benadryl like people do with their pets? Seems logical to me. (Full of maternal instincts this one -_-) 

Now that I'm settled and recharging, the panic attacks about my luggage are starting to set in. My suitcase is vintage ghetto fabulous. It says Bonjour around it repeatedly, which more than makes up for the lack of quality, because hello, its Parisian (Actually its more of a french thing but Parisian sounds cooler. It's not even french it just says a french word, but it excites me.) Sigh... someday.
But my suitcase, missing a few handles, tears, broken zippers and I don't have a TSA lock. Most likely they're going to search my bag which I managed to pack like a pro. But I can just imagine how my vibrators, bullets and ben wa balls are going to look under Xray. This is how profesh my packing was, I even remembered to take out a battery from each B.O.B. (Battery Operated Boyfriend) just so that they wouldn't accidentally turn on. But I'm sure anything resembling small balls or a phallus will trigger some sort of red flag. I'm starting to think it may not have been the wisest of ideas to leave my bright red bra right on top, that may illicit some probing.
(Staring out at the luggage loading... getting nervous) 

Captain Mike and Mark and SASSY Tim (how the captain introduced him which made my life), my flight attendant. Not a full flight, so I have both seats to my self. Things are looking up! Oh did I mention there is a top notch 6'5 Hottie, one row behind me and on the opposite of the aisle. Guaranteed he's going to catch me staring. (What... I'm a single 20 something.) But honestly, I just want to hang out with sassy Tim.
(Sneak shot of either Mark or Mike, not sure.)
(Celeb Styles- I may have been getting bored at this point.)

(Thinking about either how low the window is, or how tall I am. Also, just thinking... when you're in the sky, your mind just wants to fly)

SO this week. Doctors. Doctors. Doctors. I've had a month to feel like me again and it's been amazing. I've had my ups and downs and every other emotional experience I could muster the energy up for. I fan-girled over a guy (legit I was convinced we were going to fall in love because a. He was taller than me, and b. he had excellent taste in sports teams.) But actually, I. Fan. Girled. Think tween at a One Direction concert because of sports. (I apologize to those who had to listen/watch me fangirl that night- I was sleep deprived!)

My dad's girlfriend so eloquently put it while I was screaming at the TV during wildcard football games, mowing down on wings, and referring to relationships as "unnecessary"....
"Courtney- you should have been a dude, I mean you kind of are, in a girls body!"
EH could be worse. This is why Dexter is the perfect man for me.

But anyway... this week: dentist, hem/onc (Hematology Oncology- Blood Cancer Doc to check to make sure the treatment didn't trigger leukemia.) Radiation- to talk about the residual radiation effects that have been kind of plaguing me. Then my personal fav- Dr. D. Oh poor Dr. D. I don't know if he knows whats coming. Lets just say he's on vaca this week and so I'm seeing him Monday and this is the calm before the tornado currently known as Courtney whirls in. Let the boning questions commence. (I say this like there is an actual candidate... accepting applications ;) !) 

So this week... I'm going to snuggle the crap out of my mom and sister. Miss Dexter like crazy, no actually I already have separation anxiety. Get over my cheapness and buy an over the shoulder boulder holder that actually holds the boulders in. I get it, I want to slim down, but I can't keep suffocating my tata's because I assume I'll lose weight in my canons and then my bras will just fit. 

So I'm going to chat up Sassy Tim. (That has actually made the whole flight the best EVER!) I'm fangirling ;) Maybe he'll even take a pic with me! Challenged accepted! (update: challenge failed. I was too excited to get off the plane)

Let the week begin.
(Celeb styles waiting for the mamma and the seestor to pick me up "You'll know its me, I'm wearing my Buckhorn Dinner Jacket and Camo- Basically the ultimate Canadian Country Girl outift!")

Also Remember to add your email to the little widget box in the top right hand corner to get emails each time I post a new blog, so you don't have to check back daily. Working on The Pink in the Rink post now. :)


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