To Donate To The Sassy Blonde

Click HERE to be linked to her GoFund Donation page. Thank you for your support.

Friday, August 9, 2013

PET Scan Results Live, Then Off To Maroon 5

What a day... I feel like this is becoming a recurring start to most of my entries but this actually takes the cake.

So, once again I woke up to my mum "WE HAVE TO GO!" Ok right, lets boogie. We picked up my dad, and headed to the hospital. Now I love my mum, but my dad almost had a heart attack with her driving.
"Has she been drinking?" -"Nope, just a normal day with mum behind the wheel :) "

We were off to get the results of my PET scan. We did the scan to determine whether or not the cancer was localized or had spread to my lungs, kidneys, bladder and any other organs that one might not exactly want to have cancer in. Well, I wont leave you in suspense... that much longer. As we waited in the office, I'm extremely impatient, I did some tricep dips (My trainer would be so proud). I didn't like the fact that my arms weren't as sore as they were last week when I was training super hard. My dad snickered
"If I had have showed her that she would have laughed at me and said 'Yeah right' but because Alex MADE her do it, now its her fav."
I was like
"Well Duh, Alex knows her $#!%".
I then went to go into plank position but both parentals interjected immediately! Apparently doing plank in a denim skirt with barely there skivies is just not "appropriate" for an office that had nuns the day before. Fine!

We were then ushered into Dr. D's office and on his screen were the scans. It was so cool, way more in depth than an X-Ray and it was my entire body. There was an actual skeleton on the screen. I mean I always knew I had one inside me somewhere but seeing it, and knowing it was mine: creepy. I have some good looking hip bones, I think, yoga hip openers paid off. I looked at Dr. D and asked,
"Is my spine crooked, is that why I'm having back pain?"
He said,
"No, well, hmmm maybe a little bit but I don't think its anything to be concerned about."
-Well thats reassuring. SO, we sat down.
"SO the good news is, there is no cancer in the lungs, kidneys or liver. Basically it has not spread anywhere extreme. However, we do think it has spread to the lymph nodes. We cannot be certain with out a biopsy, so more surgery is required."

Ok, so it's spread, but it may not be a bad thing. He explained that from glucose and well other stuff, I can't remember, that they could have lit up, and may not actually be cancerous. Ugh, so another unknown. Another thing, I have to wait for to understand. Time to book surgery #1. Surgery tomorrow will be an E.U.A. according to doctor talk, and for us humans it stands for Examination. Under. Anesthesia. Basically they are going in to carefully examine my bowl, rectum, bladder and all those other super attractive body parts. They want to make sure the scan didn't miss anything and are going to biopsy anything they find including my lymph nodes (this isn't tomorrow's surgery but will be a future one, because apparently it is slightly invasive). Dr. D also talked to us about potentially removing, or "retracting" in doctor talk, the tumor and my lymph nodes. So I would get a super cute scar that looks like I had a C-Section on my lower abdomen. Well isn't this a twisted joke, I get to look like I had kids, but don't get to have them. -_-

Dr. D continued about testing to see how well my ovaries are functioning, because it would potentially be a good idea to just remove them, to prevent ovarian cancer. Lady bits misbehaving has been the understatement of the year. So tomorrow's surgery is just number one. Next week will be the surgery for all of the "retractions". To be honest, I left Dr. D's office feeling just as confused as when I walked in. I just didn't understand. I know we need more information, to make informed decisions but I just feel like so many what ifs, keep popping up. The variables are unlimited which make the treatment possibilities endless and I was never good at math so this was just getting way to complicated. I just wanted to know, when we were going to start treatment. Was it going to work? When can I get back to my life?

We went to book our pre-admission testing appointment. As we were sitting there filling out the paper work, it hit me. It was as if a ten pound boulder had just been dropped on to my lower back. I keeled over and winced in excruciating pain. My back had given out before, but nothing like this. I fell off the chair onto all fours just trying to find a position to make it stop. The tears that I refuse to shed started to well up and it wouldn't stop. My mum and dad finished the paperwork, while I finally lifted my self back into my chair. (Thank god for those tricep dips.) I sat there as stoically as I could while all I really wanted to do was crawl in my bed and snuggle Dexter. Of course we had left my percs at home. Dr. D popped his head out and asked if I had my percs, but then added a quick
"Just so you know I'm not that old ::with a wink::"
and played "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5. I was going to the concert later that night and that was just further confirmation that Dr. D was the doc for me. I loved it. I mean with his super busy day, he squeezes me in, AND has time to look up Maroon 5 on his phone and proceed to play it for me. Top Shelf right there!

So we left and were walking to the pre-admission testing, my dad was carrying my longchamp bag, which matched his shorts perfectly I might add. I kept thinking about my back, someone joked about a brace and legit the scene from Romy and Michele's High School Reunion popped into my head. The one where the popular girls put magnets on her back brace. Great, I'm going to be one hot magneto. Just in case you haven't seen the movie here's the clip.

We went to the pre admission testing so they could prep me for tomorrows surgery. The wait seemed never ending. I laid on a couch and the only thing they on the tv was infomercials. You have GOT to be kidding me. My dad was entranced with the baby giant ladder and the baby giant ladder EXTREME. He was hooked.
"Its the only ladder you'll EVER need!"
It did look pretty cool but still. Then the nutri bullet, I wanted that. Maybe I would actually drink spinach, I mean it liquifies it. After about an hour of infomercials we finally got to go into our appointment. Right before I had gotten a sammy, pretzel bread is SO good. Just saying. Damn- carbs for the day.

Once inside the room, I got weighed, had blood drawn, etc. My dad also weighed himself where he proceeded to talk about the ten pounds he needs to lose. It was adorable. The nurse went over her list of questions. It was annoying but protocol. However this is where is got fun, for me anyway. She went over meds, medical history, random questions: my personal fav
"Do you have any trouble swallowing?"
- hahahah
"Nope, none at all"
::Huge quirky smile:: that everyone could not understand. I mean really? That was just too easy. She then went on to tell me how I need to come dressed tomorrow with no metal. Goodbye belly button ring and grad ring for the day, and to wear comfy clothes. Since my surgery was down below I asked if I could leave a sports bra on, because
"These puppies need to be restrained."

She then went on to say how I couldn't eat after midnight. My dad then asked.
"If her surgery isn't until the afternoon, can she really not eat after midnight?"
The nurse replies with a quick "Nope, nothing." Where I quickly added,
"F#@%, I'm going to be a cranky B!%@#"
and nurse for the win:
"Hmmm then we'll have to have YOU restrained, screw the puppies."

So the lovely anesthesia doc came in to do his work. "What are you having done tomorrow?"
"Well, I'm having my $#!% checked out."
... The doc, clearly shock in his eyes, looked down at his papers, looked up again, and then looked down again and let out an "Uhhh Oh." My dad thinking this is hilarious pipped in,
"No seriously, she's having her $#!% checked out."
My mom feeling bad by this point finally explained what was going on, because luckily she speaks doctor fluently. My dad loved his zinger... hahah
"Get it because you're actually having your $#!% checked out, like literally."

We left, finally and got to head home to get ready for the concert. In the car, we talked about the appointment and how it went. It was a pretty serious convo, but I was kind of over that. So I piped in
"I don't like that we have to discuss my quality of life post surgery, I just want to know I can bang like a rabbit!"
My parents knowing me, and that this was their cue to change the subject finally did.

We started talking about Maroon 5 and the concert.
"Adam and I are going to do yoga everyday when we're married."
To which my dad decided to kill my buzz,
"isn't he with someone?"
Dad, as a hockey player would say:
"Just because there is a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score."
Clearly not understanding that Adam would NEVER leave Behati for me and that this is just some young girls dream....
"Uh wouldn't you be upset if you had someone do that to you?"
I guess I have to spell it out...
"Dad, Uh she's a Victoria's Secret model, I think she'll bounce back just fine!"

I was suddenly ten times more excited for the concert!